Trapped

"I said the whiteboard is extremely white."
said the still-not-very-aware-of-what-he's-talking-about Ken Xiong. Well, imagine yourself saying the word "super white" in Mandirin, loud and clear? and in Mr Yap's class... Someone better save this boy before he gets into trouble... hahahaxxx..

I guess there are some changes that benefit me somehow. Well if i never change, I'm Ken Xiong, only less ke po and won't announce everything to the world. But then, how am I to know this change would hurt myself so much?

Human, none is flawless. People just weren't metally-matured enough back then. which explains why i'm being teased and humiliated continuously in Secondary school. I don't get it. Why would they wanna take advantage of my timid nature? Now they seem like cowards to me, which i shoud have never feared. How was i to know? I was only scared. I didn't do anything wrong.

Being betrayed again and again, well of course it's hard just to be strong. But what really hunts me, is just one betrayal. It's heart-breaking, when someone backstab you all the time when you fully trusted him. and What if u're a person everyone think of as a fool? So they can just cheat you for the fun of it. I've been regarded as strange cuz i isolate myself. I thought i can finally talk to someone, when all along i've been betrayed. Now I'm really the fool in the whole form.

I've wept over it, curse myself over it, tried so many ways just to end it. I end up trusting a book. Writting my soul self into it, in the most abstract way. So i thought people will forget the I'm-the-innnocent-fool thing by changing. well, chang-e-ling. Voice changed from mousy to smooth. I picked up some sarcasm. Shed that formal way of speaking, no more penguin style speech. Time to be street. in a few weeks ppl turn another way round, blasting him instead cuz i don't seem to be the mousy girl who looks like a fool. I still enjoy humiliating him in front of ppl. Revenge always taste so good. of course there'd be girls teasing 'round. i can be harsh,"well, darling, if you like a sewer rat like him, go ahead take him. You two really are a cute couple"...

With all the recent dreams of my past, what am i gonna do? they all feel so real. I see my mousy self, timid, scared, alone... flashed... the day of the betrayal... weeping, desperate, wanna dissapear... Not to mention Visha's betrayal, thanks a lot u snake, now i'm really feeling the traumatic feeling of being betrayed.

I have changed, to a person so much different i don't know who i am. Yes i'm a lot more undeniable now. I don't want all that. I want myself again in a peaceful state. I don't understand, I want to be alone, but inside i'm desperate to talk to someone i can trust...

What am i to do? Can i be that timid shy girl again? or am i gonna harm myself more by being the street wise girl?


Trapped...